Matt Ferdinander (gone_and_aerogy) wrote,
Matt Ferdinander

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I Made This Long On Purpose To Weed Out The Skimmers:

Plans were to be wasted tonight. But I am not. But I saved money. These things happen. There are plenty of things that I never write. There are plenty of things that I never say. Hunter S. Thompson once noted that he could put around 600 people, including himself, in prison if he wrote all that he knew or had seen. This is similar to everyone, not that everyone knows as many felons has he did, but that there are some secrets that would destroy many things. Just then, as I typed that, I almost went into something like, "And let's take care of all that I know right now: ..." and just went into a list of things that no one should know. Ha. Damn. If only I had nothing to lose. But we all sit around and say nothing! Of all the mistakes I've made and watched others make, you think someone would start to learn something. But the joy of it is that there is nothing to learn.

And that is what you should have learned. There is nothing! How absurd! And how faith will ravage you, even as you watch the supporters of faith admitting that to have it you must be able to accept the absurdity and insanity of any (or all) of your propositions. How could such a deity deceive you? Ah... if only we could get past ontologies.

Pour out your heart and it still doesn't matter. But there's no reason not to.

In reading over the first 13 or 14 days of last year's (2007's) flushings I have been astounded by what I've seen. Where did I come up with these things? And the good news is: I've been crazy the whole time! And pissed, and depressed, and uncertain, and that's all I could ever ask for. I'm right on track. There is nothing to be sad about, since everything requires a certain amount of sadness and objectivity. What's the word I'm thinking here... uninvolved. But you never will look at your life as though you have nothing to do with it, and we're all pissed by that fact, so we look at everyone else's lives and tell ourselves what they should be doing. What would make them happier or how they could be a better person. Projection. Vicarious living. Wasted time. Know you're a terrible person.

Let's all say it. I'm a terrible person. Go. Do you disagree with me? Do I need to make the list? Everyone that could be reading this right now is a terrible person. I am not excluded from this list. But this is all we can do! There is nothing wrong with it anymore. Everyone is similar. Do you remember when your kindergarten teacher (or even college professor) told you that you were special? Then they'd tell another, and another, and then would eventually bust out the "everyone's special" shit. That is impossible. If everyone is special then no one is. Just like everyone is terrible, so no one is. The only reason I have any dirt on any of you is because I see you, talk to you, and do terrible things with you sometimes.

But, we all want change. Any entry you read is about change. Or porno. Or moving away. Or jobs. Or money. Or nostalgia. Let's quit quitting and start starting. You can easily say, "I'm going to change" and still change nothing. It is not until you have done so and look back and say "I have changed" that it means anything at all. Show something before you claim it. Let's all be shell fish. Selfish?

You can only do what you do. So do it. "Always push the envelope as far as you possibly can, and it will either be really crazy or hilarious." A good enough way to live life. Readers alike, you all get one chance, but it doesn't matter which way you go. You could do this or that, and in the end it won't matter anyway. Go with it. Oh, and
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