Matt Ferdinander (gone_and_aerogy) wrote,
Matt Ferdinander

I Say It Out Loud But You Just Don't Care

All right. I caved in and read some old entries and thought about life. One thing I have noticed is that I was very subtle in the hints I would drop from my subconscious as to who I would turn into — or at least what I have turned into at the age of 24. Before I read some of the books that "changed my life" I already thought half of their premises and theses before the reading began. So this could either mean that I was lucky to stumble upon something so agreeable or I sought out what I already knew I wanted to hear. Maybe even both of those answers would be true to some extent, or maybe there is a third one that I won't know for another six or seven years of vague blog entries.

I have been a student at Lansing Community College since the fall semester of 2006. This spring, 2011, will be my final semester. Yes, the math on that is hilarious. Five years. It is very telling of my personality to know that I stayed at a community college wandering about directionless for five years, and yet somehow I will still end up with two (2) Associate degrees in May, 2011. My transcript will show 103 credits after May, although there were only four of those credits that do not count towards either of my two degrees, one being Creative Writing and another being Wines of North America.

From what people tell me, my options for universities are endless. This does not help me narrow down my choices. One of my biggest fears would be that I am accepted to all of the schools I apply to. What then?

The past three years of sporadic entries are, believe it or not, quite true to the mindset I have held throughout said years. No. That's not true. But it is conceptually accurate in its representation of how open I have felt across that time-frame. Only once in a while, and only in meaningless notes and screeds. While I might be stepping out of the cave as of late, the blinding light still frightens me like before, but my eyes are adjusting slowly. My walls remain strong and available at any time, but it might be safe to say that during my three-year hiatus (not just talking of the blog-o-sphere, but of life) I have become wiser, happier with my self, and stronger in nearly every sense.
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